Affirmations for resenting parenthood

For the thought you have never said out loud to anyone.

Some days you regret this. You would not say it to your partner, your family, or the group chat, and you have probably never typed it anywhere before now. So here it is in writing, from somebody with no intention of arguing with you: that thought is common, it does not make you a bad parent, and it says nothing about how much you love your child.

Resentment in the first year has a recognizable shape. You gave up work you liked, sleep, a body that felt like yours, friendships, whole hours that used to be unaccounted for — and the thing you got in return does not thank you and cannot be put down. There is nobody to be angry at, which is most of why the anger sits so badly. It has nowhere to go, so it turns inward and comes back as guilt.

The sentences here do not correct any of that. Nothing in this set tells you to feel lucky, to count your blessings, or to remember how many people would want what you have. That last one is the cruelest thing said to parents in this position, and all it adds is shame to an already heavy hour.

You can love the child and resent the situation. Two different sentences, both allowed to be true on the same Wednesday afternoon. One thing we will say once, and not as a disclaimer: if the heaviness does not lift, or you are having thoughts that frighten you, tell a doctor. From the inside it feels like a confession. From the other side of the desk it is an ordinary conversation, and it is the one move here we would actively push you toward.

17 affirmations

Resenting my partner at 3am doesn't mean I've stopped loving them.

New parenthood
I gave up a lot to be here. Saying so out loud doesn't undo the choice.
I want my old life back sometimes. Wanting it is not a betrayal of anyone.
Some days I regret this. Saying it takes nothing away from the baby.
I don't want to be in this moment. I can put the baby somewhere safe and tell someone exactly how bad this feels.
I resent how much of me this takes, and I show up anyway.
Wishing things were the way they used to be is an ordinary thing to wish.
I'm angry and there's nobody to be angry at. That's part of why it sits so badly.
Feeling trapped by this is not the same as being bad at it.
I love the baby and I resent the situation. Two different sentences.
The bitterness is loud today. Loud doesn't mean it's the only thing in me.
Nobody told me it would feel like this. Being angry about that is fair.
Resentment usually means something has been unfair for a while. Worth naming.
I don't have to feel lucky on command.
I can be thankful and furious in the same afternoon. Most parents are.
I gave up things I loved for this, and saying I want them back is honest.
Everyone asks how the baby is doing, nobody asks how I'm doing, and it gets old.

Affirmations for new parents For the hours nobody warns you about.
Affirmations for sleep deprivation For the 4am shift, and for the day that follows it.
Affirmations for parent guilt For the feeling that arrives before any evidence does.
Affirmations for losing yourself in parenthood The old version has not gone anywhere. It is off duty.
Affirmations for lonely new parents For 3pm on a Tuesday, when you have spoken to no adult since breakfast.
Affirmations for feeling overwhelmed For when everything is urgent and only one thing can be done.
Affirmations for comparing yourself to other parents Your worst hour against their best photo was never a fair trade.
Affirmations for relationship strain after a baby You are not fighting each other. You are both losing to the same lack of sleep.
Affirmations for your body after a baby This body is in constant use and expected to look rested. Only one of those is possible.
Affirmations for hard days with a newborn Today was survivable and it got survived.

Questions

Is it normal to regret having a baby?

It is far more common than the silence around it suggests, and it is reported by parents who are also deeply attached to their children. Regret is usually about the loss of a life you had rather than a wish to be without the child. It tends to loosen as the first year goes on, and if it does not, it is a fair thing to raise with a doctor or a therapist.

Why do these sound different from most parenting affirmations?

Most of them ask you to feel grateful. Ours do not. They are written to be said out loud by a tired adult who is not enjoying this today, which rules out most of what gets posted under this heading. They name the hard part first, then hand you something to stand on.

How often should I read them?

Once, properly, beats twenty times while scrolling one-handed. Most people find two or three that land and come back to those. Ballast sends one a day and then leaves you alone.